01Often mistaken for friendship drama
Social & relational
Repeated exclusion, ghosting, silent treatment, friendship ultimatums, rumour-spreading, public embarrassment or pressuring a group to turn on someone.
For parents and carers of teenagers in Australia
When something feels wrong, trust the signal.
Bullying is not always bruises or name-calling. It can look like a joke, a friendship problem, a group chat, a rumour or a child who suddenly becomes “fine” and very quiet.
Reviewed against Australian sources · 7 August 2026
Immediate danger or risk of self-harm
Stay with them and call Triple Zero (000).
If they are talking about suicide or cannot stay safe, do not leave them alone. You can also go to the nearest emergency department. For urgent online abuse, preserve lawful evidence and use the eSafety reporting pathway.
The first 24 hours
Four steady steps. In this order.
- 1
Listen
Thank them for telling you. Stay calm. Do not interrogate, blame or rush into solutions.
- 2
Check safety
Ask about threats, injuries, sexual harm, extortion, self-harm and whether school feels safe tomorrow.
- 3
Preserve facts
Write dates and exact words. Save screenshots, URLs and usernames before blocking or deleting.
- 4
Make a plan
Agree on one safe adult, contact the school in writing and set a date to review what changes.
Recognise the pattern
Bullying is about repetition, power and harm.
The Australian definition describes bullying as repeated, intentional use of power or status to harm, upset or intimidate. It can be physical, verbal, social or online, and it can be obvious or hidden.
Read the national definition at Bullying No WayWhat it can look like
The forms adults often miss.
Look for repeated behaviour, an imbalance of power and impact — not just whether someone says it was “only a joke”.
02Can be quiet, coded or disguised
Verbal & psychological
Insults, threats, humiliating nicknames, intimidation, cruel imitation, constant criticism or comments designed to make someone doubt themselves.
03A prank stops being funny when harm continues
Physical & property
Hitting, shoving, blocking a path, unwanted touching, damaging or hiding belongings, taking food or money, or repeated rough “jokes”.
04It can follow a child home
Online & technology-based
Group-chat pile-ons, fake accounts, impersonation, doxxing, exclusion from chats, hostile gaming behaviour, edited images, memes, deepfakes or sharing private messages.
05May also be unlawful discrimination
Identity-based
Targeting race, culture, religion, disability, neurodivergence, sex, sexuality, gender identity, appearance, family, health or socioeconomic circumstances.
06One incident can require urgent action
Sexual harassment & image abuse
Sexual comments, rumours, gestures, pressure, unwanted contact, rating bodies, sharing or threatening to share intimate images, or using AI to create sexualised images.
07Power can be social, not just physical
Coercion & control
Using secrets, status, size, popularity or threats to demand money, homework, passwords, images, favours or silence — including sextortion and blackmail.
08The audience can multiply the harm
Bystander & group-enabled
Liking, forwarding, filming, laughing, voting in cruel polls, encouraging a fight or repeatedly staying silent while one person is targeted.
Notice change, not just injuries
Signs a teenager may be carrying something alone.
No single sign proves bullying. A cluster of changes — especially sudden ones — deserves a gentle check-in.
At home and in their body
- Headaches, stomach aches, poor sleep or nightmares
- Unexplained bruises, damaged items or missing money
- Anger, tearfulness, shame, withdrawal or jumpiness
- Sudden eating changes or loss of interest
- Saying they are worthless, a burden or want to disappear
At school and with friends
- School refusal, frequent sick days or falling grades
- Changing routes, avoiding breaks, buses or activities
- Sudden loss of friends or never being invited
- Deleting accounts, panicking at notifications or sleeping with the phone
- Wanting lifts at unusual times or asking to change schools
Try a softer doorway:“Who feels easy to be around at school?”“Is anyone making school feel smaller or harder?”“If I could change one part of tomorrow, what would help?”
Could my child be causing harm?
A private parent reflection.
Children are more than their worst behaviour. This check focuses on actions and patterns — it does not diagnose or label a young person as “a bully”. It is not a validated screening tool. Answers stay on this page and are not saved or sent.
Approach both sides safely
Protect dignity. Stop harm. Keep adults in the lead.
Supporting the child being harmed
Start with belief and choice.
- Find privacy. Choose a quiet time; stay beside them rather than across like an interview.
- Thank and believe. Say: “I’m glad you told me. This is not your fault.”
- Check immediate risk. Ask directly about threats, injury, sexual harm and self-harm.
- Give controlled choices. “Would you like me to email tonight or call tomorrow with you there?”
- Agree on a school signal. A named adult, safe place and discreet way to ask for help.
- Keep checking. Ask whether the plan is reducing harm, not simply whether an investigation ended.
Say this“I won’t take over without explaining what I’m doing. If someone is in danger, I will get help.”
Addressing your child’s harmful behaviour
Be calm, firm and specific.
- Describe behaviour, not identity. “Sharing that screenshot caused harm” — not “you are a bully”.
- Listen without excusing. Ask what happened before, during and after; check peer pressure and whether they are also being harmed.
- Set the boundary. The behaviour stops now, including posts, forwarding, retaliation and contact through friends.
- Work with the school. Agree on supervision, skill-building, related consequences and a review date.
- Repair safely. Remove or correct content. An apology or restorative meeting happens only if the harmed child freely agrees and adults consider it safe.
- Get extra support. A GP, counsellor or psychologist can help with trauma, anger, empathy, impulse control or social skills.
Say this“I love you. I will listen to you. The behaviour is not okay, and I will help you stop it and repair what can safely be repaired.”
Do not directly confront another child or their family.
It can escalate conflict, frighten a young person, expose private information and complicate the school response. Contact the school, club or organisation. If you witness immediate danger, get a responsible adult or emergency help and intervene only to the extent it is safe.
Make the invisible visible
Keep a simple incident record.
Facts help a school see pattern, power, impact and risk. Keep records private and factual.
Incident logOne row for each event
When / whereExact behaviourImpact / witness
Tue 12:40 · ovalBag hidden; “don’t sit with us”Missed class · A saw it
Wed 8:16 pm · group chatEdited photo repostedScreenshot + URL saved
Add date…Add exact words or action…Add impact or evidence…
Save
- Dates, times, places and exact words
- Screenshots showing account name, URL and context
- Photos of injuries or damaged property
- School contacts, promises and review dates
- Health visits, absences and learning impact
Do not save or forward sexual images of anyone under 18.Record where the image appeared and report it to eSafety or police. Saving or sharing it may be illegal.
Working with the school
Ask for a safety process, not a promise to “keep an eye on it”.
Use factual language: what happened, how often, the power imbalance, the impact and the risk. Ask for actions, owners and dates in writing.
Immediate risk assessment
Physical and psychological safety, threats, retaliation, high-risk locations and online reach.
Interim safety plan
A named adult, safe reporting method, supervision and separation that does not punish the harmed child.
Policy-based response
The applicable bullying, behaviour, child-safety, discrimination and complaints procedures.
Communication rhythm
Who contacts you, when the first update will arrive and the date the plan will be reviewed.
Wellbeing & learning support
Counselling, attendance support, reasonable adjustments and help catching up without stigma.
Monitoring for change
How staff will tell whether harm has stopped across class, breaks, transport, activities and online spaces.
Privacy is not the same as silence.
A school may be unable to tell you another student’s statements, diagnosis or discipline. It can still explain the process, the protections and support for your child, your contact person, review dates and whether the plan is working.
If it does not stop
Escalate one clear level at a time.
- 1Teacher / year adviser / wellbeing lead
Ask for the response and safety plan in writing.
- 2Principal
Use the school complaints procedure and attach your incident record.
- 3Education authority or governing body
Government: department or regional office. Catholic: diocesan/system authority. Independent: board or proprietor pathway.
- 4External pathway
Depending on the issue: Ombudsman, school regulator, anti-discrimination body, Australian Human Rights Commission, eSafety or police.
Australian law, in plain English
What schools are responsible for.
There is no single Australian anti-bullying Act covering every incident. Responsibilities come from duty of care, discrimination and child-safety law, criminal law, education law and binding sector policies. The exact position depends on the facts, state or territory and school sector.
Take reasonable care
School staff generally owe students a duty to take reasonable steps to reduce reasonably foreseeable physical and psychological harm. It is a duty to act reasonably — not a guarantee that no incident will ever happen.
Government duty-of-care explanationHave and follow a bullying policy
Australian schools are required to have a bullying policy. State, territory and sector policies set the response process. Ask for the current public version and the complaints pathway.
National policy and legislation guidePrevent unlawful discrimination
Federal and state or territory laws can apply when treatment is connected to disability, race, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, intersex status or other protected attributes. Coverage and exceptions vary.
Australian Human Rights CommissionSupport students with disability
The Disability Discrimination Act and Disability Standards for Education give students with disability rights to access and participate on the same basis, reasonable adjustments, support and protection from disability harassment and victimisation.
Disability Standards informationRespond to sexual harassment
Sexual harassment in education can be unlawful under the Sex Discrimination Act. Sexual assault, stalking, threats and some intimate-image conduct may also be criminal matters.
Sex Discrimination Act 1984Act on serious online harm
Under the Online Safety Act, eSafety can investigate serious cyberbullying targeting an Australian child. Report to the platform first; if it has not helped after 48 hours, report to eSafety. Image-based abuse can be reported directly.
eSafety reporting stepsGeneral information, not legal advice.
A policy failure is not automatically a legal breach, and legal liability depends on evidence and circumstances. For advice about a specific case, contact a community legal centre, Legal Aid in your state or territory, or a qualified lawyer.
Find the right school pathway
Choose your state or territory.
These links are official government-school resources. Catholic and independent schools use their own authority or governing-body complaint process.
NSW
New South Wales
For NSW public schools, start with the teacher/year adviser, then the principal. The Department’s feedback pathway can be used if the concern remains unresolved.
If the concern is about the principal, staff misconduct, child abuse or you do not feel safe contacting the school first, go directly to the school authority, department, regulator, child-protection service or police as appropriate.
Copy, personalise, send
Email templates that ask for action.
Replace every bracketed section. Keep the email factual and attach evidence separately. Avoid naming other children in the subject line.
First report
Initial bullying and safety concern
Use when you are contacting the teacher, year adviser or wellbeing lead for the first time.
Subject Safety concern regarding [CHILD’S NAME] — request for school response
Dear [NAME / ROLE], I am writing about repeated harmful behaviour affecting my child, [CHILD’S NAME], who is in [YEAR / CLASS]. What has happened • [DATE, TIME AND PLACE / ONLINE PLATFORM] • [DESCRIBE THE EXACT WORDS OR ACTIONS — avoid labels or guesses] • [HOW OFTEN IT HAS HAPPENED AND WHO MAY HAVE SEEN IT] Impact on my child • [FEAR, DISTRESS, INJURY, SCHOOL AVOIDANCE, SLEEP, LEARNING OR OTHER IMPACT] Evidence available • [SCREENSHOTS, MESSAGES, PHOTOS, INCIDENT LOG OR WITNESS DETAILS] My immediate safety concerns are: [DETAILS, OR “none known at present”]. Please: 1. confirm receipt of this email; 2. assess the immediate physical and psychological safety risk; 3. tell us what protective steps will begin now; 4. nominate one staff contact for my child and our family; 5. explain the school policy and process that will be followed; and 6. make reasonable efforts to initiate a response within two school days, consistent with the National Framework expectation, with a date for follow-up. We understand privacy may limit what the school can tell us about another student. We are asking for clear information about the steps protecting our child, the support available and how effectiveness will be monitored. Could we meet or speak by [PROPOSED DATE / TIME]? Kind regards, [PARENT / CARER NAME] [PHONE] [EMAIL]
When it happens online
Screenshot. Report. Block. Escalate.
- 1
Collect lawful evidence first. Capture usernames, URLs, dates, full context and the platform report number.
- 2
Report to the service or platform. This is required before eSafety investigates cyberbullying.
- 3
Block or mute after evidence is safe. Move screenshots to a separate folder so your child does not keep seeing them.
- 4
Report serious unresolved harm to eSafety. If the platform has not helped after 48 hours, a parent can report for their child.
Trusted Australian support
Help for the young person — and for you.
Kids Helpline
Free, private and confidential phone and web counselling for ages 5–25.
1800 55 1800Webchat and supportLifeline
Crisis support for young people, parents and carers.
13 11 14Chat or text supporteheadspace
Free mental-health support for young people and their families, 3 pm–10 pm local time.
1800 650 890Online and phone supporteSafety Commissioner
Evidence guidance and reporting for serious cyberbullying, image-based abuse and illegal content.
Report online harmBullying No Way
National information for families, students and schools about prevention and response.
Visit Bullying No WayHuman Rights Commission
Information and free complaint handling for discrimination covered by federal law.
Check or make a complaintWhy you can rely on this guide